___where the HELL is my prozac___

Another day in the orifice…
October 16, 2007, 6:35 pm
Filed under: Boredom, london, Office, random nonsense, Scrabble | Tags: , , , , ,

10am & hung over after a raucous Thursday night, I sneak to my desk past semi-comatose colleagues, my pasty office tan camouflaged against the white of the sterile hallway.

I work in an average London office, for an average salary with an average company. Like a school for the ‘special’ we have a kitchen covered with safety stickers so we don’t wash our hands under the boiler tap, stick our fingers in power sockets or drink straight from the water cooler.
I spend my days spinning in my office chair shaded a pleasant cloudy-grey, basking for hours under a constant fluorescent glow & updating my Facebook status at every opportunity…
****** is… bored
****** is… hungry
****** is… asleep
****** is… enjoying talking about himself in the 3rd person
****** is… therefore I am

My manager notices my lateness, gives me my seventh final warning then retreats back to his office to browse personal ads.

I’m not even sure what our department actually does. Sometimes we have meetings. We all meet in the boardroom, talk about our weekends & listen to our manager recite the same speech about being more focused on the company’s priorities. We then go back to our cubicles & compete to find the funniest &/or strangest movie on YouTube.

The IT department sent me an email yesterday to say that I was the second highest user of Facebook in the company & that number one had just been sacked. Time for another status change…

****** is… the new highest Facebook violator in the company!

After a few smug spins in my chair, proud of my new title, I figured I should get some real work done.
I had photos to upload, friends to poke, online scrabble to play & primary school girlfriends to search for. It was going to be a hard day.

(Dedicated to my flattie, a self-confessed Facebook fanatic)


Super Smart Scrabble
June 8, 2006, 5:33 pm
Filed under: Scrabble

I played scrabble recently on a 50 year old board. That’s old. Judging by the condition I’d say it’s been played on twice.

That’s some extensive use of the english vocabulary right there.

arr scrabble me timbers

[Editor’s note: god this post is boring, has it come to this already?  This site needs content so will leave it here until something better comes up.  Just ignore for now & go watch the babies movie in mutant menagerie…or if you’ve seen that too many times already, read on:

I was asked to run a marathon.   I said, “No way!” They said, “Come on, please, it’s for spastics & blind children.”     So I thought, “Fuck it, I could win this!.”]