___where the HELL is my prozac___

Hello Haiku!
March 14, 2007, 11:51 pm
Filed under: Girls Girls Girls, Haiku, Poem, random nonsense

I`m sure none of you have been the slightest bit concerned that your nonsensical narrator may have fallen off the face of the earth several months ago, consequently resulting in a lack of fine* material during this period… and if anyone was in fact worried, they`re now breathing a sigh of relief as I obviously must still be in reach of an internet connection & therefore did not experience any gravitational phenomena.

That being said, as I now travel the globe & manage to find time between some serious holidaying, i.e. whenever it rains, I will endeavour to post more fantastic*, excellent* & stupendously* brilliant* stuff .

It`s only partly cloudy today so I`ll leave you with some “Hello I`m back” haiku. Until next time, enjoy.

Traffic Lights

Man on my chassis

Funding his junkie habits

Wipes clean my windscreen.

Calling Home

Dialling numbers

An international call

I`m still dialling!

The Golf Ball

Enclosed in whiteness

Break me free from spherical

Freedom with your wood


Hey look it`s egg time!

Excreted chicken product

Yolk drips off my chin

Beware the Dreaded Clown Monkey

Elusive devil

Wicked little clown monkey

But damn you`re so cute!

*Adjectives have been changed to protect the author`s dignity & in no way represent an actual portrayal of the said material`s quality


Mutant Menagerie

The new x-men has been released & often I wonder if maybe everyone has some kind of mutant power but just isn’t aware of it.  Kinda like when a baby hurls & it’s spewing everywhere but doesn’t quite know what’s going on then realises he has mushed giblets all down his front & instantly sobs out of confusion.  Why don’t adults sob out of confusion?  Is it because we don’t get so confused any more or is it a dignity thing?    Next time I’m in an elevator & it opens at a floor, & nobody gets in or out, maybe I’ll sob to prove I don’t have pride issues.

So back to the mutant powers drivel…  I have an uncanny knack at predicting quantities of envelopes.  I can’t actually tell you how many is in a pile (not yet anyway), but if I have an unspecified amount of love letters that I need to mail to my throngs of adoring female admirers (hi girls), every time I randomly grab a pile of envelopes from the stationery cupboard at work, I always seem to grab the exact amount required. No more, no less.  Crazy huh?

I also have mutant-like skills at small talk.  I try to avoid it all costs but like the Hulk, when faced with it, my powers are unleashed.  I can captivate the listener with deep & meaningful topics such as the weather (eg – “how about this rain!?”) or trivial questions like “So how’s things? Busy?  Yeah same.”   I can keep this up for the duration of all five floors in my work elevator if I have to.

So remember, mutants have feelings too.  Except for the giant magnetised guy that shoots metal & reigns terror.  He’s just a heartless bitch.

[Editor’s note:  Observant ones amongst you may have noticed a high level of references to elevators in this feature.  Don’t look too deeply into it, things have just been a little up & down of late.]