___where the HELL is my prozac___

Submissive Cake Love
August 1, 2011, 4:59 pm
Filed under: Classified Ad, random nonsense, Self-help | Tags: , , , , ,


Skies. Streets. Sydney.
February 27, 2011, 8:47 am
Filed under: Photography | Tags: , , , ,

Did some photo traipsing around the city recently… here’s  a sample for your visual pleasure.

*All photos original and copyright

Cats and mormans
February 1, 2010, 6:54 am
Filed under: animals, polygamy, religion | Tags: , , , , , ,

So I changed my cat’s diet recently as the caps from old medicine bottles were wreaking havoc on the little bastard’s digestion… upon later reflection, it came to light that I did not own a cat which made it increasingly difficult to explain the one flying around my house when the mormans came to visit on sunday afternoons.

Ahhhh the mormans and their crazy polygamous ways…

Welcome Teeth-Petters!

Teeth-petting AKA gum-grooming, is a hobby yet to be addressed on the interweb. This is a shame for the large groups of people out there who enjoy this healthy fetish & are forced to keep their beautiful secret to themselves.

After a history of palate-poking behind closed doors, awareness is now growing rapidly & after an inevitable celebrity endorsement (if you’re reading, Miss Amy Winehouse…Julia Roberts…?) will be sure to become as common as the yoyo.
To educate the majority who have not heard of this activity, teeth-petting is the act of the petter, stroking the pettee’s teeth with a well lubricated finger/s or even a petting instrument for the more experimental amongst us. Some teeth-petting extremists even go for the challenge of stroking the teeth of toothy creatures such as crocodiles (see movie here) or the shiny gums of the two-toed sloth!

The easiest way to approach your first time depends on your target.
Try reaching for the molars of a friend on the bus, a partner during lovemaking or a colleague at a board-meeting. It’s also an excellent icebreaker for making new friends!
The pleasure that’s sure to ensue will create a lasting impression & you can be proud to be known as a teeth-petter.

To celebrate the upcoming World Teeth-Petting Day (check local guides), here are some photos from my Brick Lane Sickboy street art collection. (He digs gums)

Happy petting!!

  • Another day in the orifice…
    October 16, 2007, 6:35 pm
    Filed under: Boredom, london, Office, random nonsense, Scrabble | Tags: , , , , ,

    10am & hung over after a raucous Thursday night, I sneak to my desk past semi-comatose colleagues, my pasty office tan camouflaged against the white of the sterile hallway.

    I work in an average London office, for an average salary with an average company. Like a school for the ‘special’ we have a kitchen covered with safety stickers so we don’t wash our hands under the boiler tap, stick our fingers in power sockets or drink straight from the water cooler.
    I spend my days spinning in my office chair shaded a pleasant cloudy-grey, basking for hours under a constant fluorescent glow & updating my Facebook status at every opportunity…
    ****** is… bored
    ****** is… hungry
    ****** is… asleep
    ****** is… enjoying talking about himself in the 3rd person
    ****** is… therefore I am

    My manager notices my lateness, gives me my seventh final warning then retreats back to his office to browse personal ads.

    I’m not even sure what our department actually does. Sometimes we have meetings. We all meet in the boardroom, talk about our weekends & listen to our manager recite the same speech about being more focused on the company’s priorities. We then go back to our cubicles & compete to find the funniest &/or strangest movie on YouTube.

    The IT department sent me an email yesterday to say that I was the second highest user of Facebook in the company & that number one had just been sacked. Time for another status change…

    ****** is… the new highest Facebook violator in the company!

    After a few smug spins in my chair, proud of my new title, I figured I should get some real work done.
    I had photos to upload, friends to poke, online scrabble to play & primary school girlfriends to search for. It was going to be a hard day.

    (Dedicated to my flattie, a self-confessed Facebook fanatic)

    Rhetorical Busker & Friends…

    During my daily commuting I often pass a busker in the tube station playing the same song every time. ‘Would you know my name’ by Eric Clapton.  Someday I think I’ll stop & tell him that I most likely won’t know his name if I saw him in heaven & will probably just call him busker dude.

    But enough about him & more about awesome & excitedly interesting things:

    The street art scene in East London is massive & before you start thinking “oh yeah I know all about Banksy, he’s the coolest” -it’s time to move on. Mr Banks has no time for posting stencils down dark streets when his work is now worth more than a piece of toast with the face of Jesus on it. OK maybe not THAT much, but he’s now being compared to Andy Warhol & in April this year his not-so-exciting Space Girl & Bird piece fetched a price of £288,000!!

    Instead of dealing pirated DVD’s, illegal immigrants or endangered antelope like the East African Bongo to save up for a Banksy original, I’ve hit the streets with my trusty photo capturing device to get shots of the new &/or persistent artists transforming brick walls into visual treats.

    Anyone with information about the artists / specific works, or, if you have images of your own you think deserves to be published, please leave comments or get in touch.

    Yer Bweakin mi balls Truman Brewery CarparkStencilled posters
    Angry apeD*face

    Jef Aerosol

    New findings posted soon.

    Hello Haiku!
    March 14, 2007, 11:51 pm
    Filed under: Girls Girls Girls, Haiku, Poem, random nonsense

    I`m sure none of you have been the slightest bit concerned that your nonsensical narrator may have fallen off the face of the earth several months ago, consequently resulting in a lack of fine* material during this period… and if anyone was in fact worried, they`re now breathing a sigh of relief as I obviously must still be in reach of an internet connection & therefore did not experience any gravitational phenomena.

    That being said, as I now travel the globe & manage to find time between some serious holidaying, i.e. whenever it rains, I will endeavour to post more fantastic*, excellent* & stupendously* brilliant* stuff .

    It`s only partly cloudy today so I`ll leave you with some “Hello I`m back” haiku. Until next time, enjoy.

    Traffic Lights

    Man on my chassis

    Funding his junkie habits

    Wipes clean my windscreen.

    Calling Home

    Dialling numbers

    An international call

    I`m still dialling!

    The Golf Ball

    Enclosed in whiteness

    Break me free from spherical

    Freedom with your wood


    Hey look it`s egg time!

    Excreted chicken product

    Yolk drips off my chin

    Beware the Dreaded Clown Monkey

    Elusive devil

    Wicked little clown monkey

    But damn you`re so cute!

    *Adjectives have been changed to protect the author`s dignity & in no way represent an actual portrayal of the said material`s quality